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Goodbye Too Soon

Clay Eugene Tucker
October 14, 1950 - March 23, 2013

"A man who works with his hands is a laborer; a man who works with his hands and his heart is a craftsman; but a man who works with his hands and his brains and his heart is an artist." -Louis Nizer

"A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again." - Maya Angelou


Clay Tucker was a carpenter and a craftsman. He built things; with his hands and his heart he moulded and shaped materials to serve a purpose. Whether he was installing a screen door for a single mother, resurrecting a barn that had narrowly escaped the destruction of a natural disaster, strengthening the bell tower of a local church or performing handyman duties for a widow who had lost her husband far too young; he took pride and great care in serving others. He went about his life and his work quietly and without fanfare. He overworked and undervalued his services. He did not value a quick buck or the newest material possessions. His values were rooted in hard work, perseverance, honesty, integrity and character. He was intelligent, stubborn, generous and funny. He could debate anyone on any topic at any time. He enjoyed a challenge; whether it was a complex angle on a gabled roof, an uneven floor or a poorly supported structure; he worked to solve problems diligently. He would scratch some lines on a piece of paper do a few quick calculations and get to work. My father was a carpenter’s carpenter, often lending advice and sharing his vast knowledge with others.

Clay Tucker valued function over form but had an eye for beauty. As I sat at his kitchen table yesterday morning I was admiring the trim around the bay windows in the front of his house. I had helped him many years ago, cut, plane, route, sand, stain and varnish the trim in his house. Every piece of oak that is so prominently displayed around his home was produced from raw wood by his and my hands. I remember the care with which he fashioned each piece of chair rail, window trim and mantel piece. I stared at this stunning display of craftsmanship and noticed how two adjoining pieces of trim had been cut from the same piece of oak. They are fixed to the wall at an angle to each other but the wood grain is perfectly aligned. From one piece to the next the lines of grain continued as if they had never been cut apart at all. I marvelled at the attention to detail and the vision he had to maintain such perfect symmetry. Also as I admired this incredible feature I noticed a shiny dot under the window sill. Upon further inspection I found that the nail holes had yet to be filled. This was my father; taking the time to install two pieces of trim so perfectly and yet more than a decade later the nail holes were waiting to be filled. You see, the trim could never be cut again, he had one chance to make it right, and it is absolutely perfect. However, the nail holes could wait; there is always time for filling nail holes. He would meticulously fit crown moulding around cabinets – perfectly matching the uneven contour of the ceiling and shaping the corners just right - in a customer’s kitchen, but there was always tomorrow for cleaning out the truck. He taught me to focus on what is important and do it well.

He lived this philosophy in all facets of his life. Eight years ago I met a girl from Kentucky. She was smart and beautiful and almost as stubborn as my dad. When she was graduating from college she found a job in Lincoln and wanted to move to Nebraska. I was in school and both of us had been divorced and money was certainly tight. My father offered to drive 900 miles each way pulling a trailer to tirelessly help load her up and bring her to Staplehurst. He worked for a week to remodel his rental home and generously offered it to her. She had a spark that reflected in me that my father recognized. He knew she was important and he knew that our relationship needed a good carpenter so he built it. He had one chance to make it right and he was perfect. A few years later we were back in Kentucky, married and he had helped us welcome a new child. He would make the trip to Kentucky at least once a year; many times sacrificing his normal vacation plans to spend a week with us. Again, I had a construction project that needed some help. Our one bathtub home was not suited to our seven person family and we desperately needed a shower in the master bath. Sarah and I had just started our careers and had the money to buy the material but couldn’t afford the labor. With five kids and full time jobs it was hard to find the time to do the work ourselves. So my dad built it. He again made the long journey and worked with me for a few days from sun up to sun down to get the job done. It was important and it was right. When he was done he spent a few days playing with grandkids; finding turtles, going to baseball games and blowing bubbles. Finally at the end of the week he packed up and returned to Nebraska, leaving nail holes for me to fill.

In this same way my father built friendships. He always told me he was lucky to work for his friends. Many of his customers didn’t start that way. He would be referred by another satisfied client and they would call him with a job to be done. They trusted him to do the work on a home that they worked so hard to own. It was their prized possession; a shelter for their families and a respite from the toils of everyday life. They would call my father to replace the roofs that kept them dry or install windows to keep out the cold. He would remodel the kitchen where they fed their children or add the extra square footage their growing family needed. His work would become their canvas for birthday parties, graduations and anniversaries. People would dance on the floor he installed, cry in the den he refinished and call their children in for supper from the deck he had constructed. I’ve even known of some wedding photos taken with his siding work as a backdrop. My father knew it was important, so he built it and it was right. So many of these first time customers would call him back to do the next job and the next. Each time, adding more space for them to fill with memories. No, many of his customers did not start out as friends but they always were by the time he was done. He enjoyed working for his friends, so when he started a job he also began working on a friendship and in the end; he built it.

He shared his love of travel and his love of the outdoors with us. We took trips every summer; money was tight but we always found time to spend a week at the Black Hills, fishing at Calamus or canoeing on the Niobrara. We would take weekend trips to Desoto Bend, Branched Oak or Johnson Lake. Camping and enjoying the outdoors and building memories that last a lifetime. There was even a summer where he wanted to tour Nebraska. We started out in Seward and travelled west; visiting Pioneer Village, Scottsbluff, Chimney Rock, Fort Robinson, Ash Falls and even Carhenge. This trip was conducted in a car that would overheat if driven too long. We toured the state with gallon jugs of water and stopped in every town we passed to explore while the engine cooled. It was important to him to instil a lifelong appreciation of our home state and he did. He wanted us to have a firm grasp on where we came from; the native fish, the common agricultural crops and the beauty of the land. Later after his children had grown he continued to travel. Taking mid-winter trips to Mexico and to Texas; even travelling to Tennessee to mix business with pleasure. He and Julie travelled alone; driving across Mexico to reach Puerto Vallerta. He was cautious but not fearful. He always said going to Puerto Vallerta by plane and saying you had seen Mexico was like flying to Los Angeles and saying you had seen the United States. He wanted the authentic version, it was important, so he did it right.

In the last few days I have heard the stories of my father’s generosity and I have told my own. I have overheard as people discussed his strengths and celebrated his life. It has been difficult to come to terms with the fact that he is truly gone. I witnessed first-hand his short and difficult battle with cancer. I attended the doctors’ appointments and knew what to expect and was grateful when he was finally able to rest peacefully. However, I have not been able to shake the overwhelming feeling that he is still present. I have struggled with why I would feel this way. I have come to realize that he is still with us in the things that he built. I look around this room and I see the kitchens that he remodelled, the rooms that he constructed, the cabinets that he crafted and the countertops he installed. Even more, I see the friends that he made, the lives that he touched, the acts of service he performed, the people he leaned on and those that leaned on him. I look at Julie, my brother and sisters, his friends and my family and admire his craftsmanship. My father built these things, because it was important and it was right and he did it perfectly.

-Zack

Journal

Facebook posts have replaced this family journal I was so diligent with.

Bummer.

Snuggled up with 5 year old Mia we just flipped through the blog and enjoyed the pictures and context and stories.

Boo, Facebook for sucking my blogging time away.

Shared Custody, Long Distance

Yesterday, my house was eerily quiet by 8pm. The laundry was feasible in a few loads. The floors were clean and our grocery bill was cut in half it's normal total.

It’s Summer, which means 4 out of our 5 children go spend quality time with their other parents for 6 weeks. Zack’s babies head down South to Texas and my daughters go South-East to Kentucky.

I hate it.

Well intentioned people recommend using the time to spend extra time with my husband. Or mention that Mia must love having her mommy and daddy all to herself. 

But all I can think about is how much I am missing. 

A toothless-smile greeting me when I get home from the office. A chaotic dinner around the table where laughter bellows through the air. Requests for books to be read, pancakes to be flipped, and kisses to be smooched.

My husband wasn’t greeted with beaming faces carrying his breakfast in bed on Father’s Day. I didn’t get to see the glow of bright fireworks on their faces this July Fourth. We haven’t applied Calamine lotion to mosquito-bitten legs or lathered up excited children with sunscreen in preparation of pool time.

What we do to make the separation a positive experience though is what matters. We web-cam and chat on the phone. Share minute details of our days with the kids and remind them just how much we love them.

I’m very blessed to have my own family and friends in the same town as my ex-husband. My friends have posted pictures of the girls at barbecues and church camp. I’ve gotten to see their beaming faces with their grandparents and other loved ones which makes the hurt sting a little less. Though our situation is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination, my kids are pretty lucky. They have heaps of people that love them to pieces. Truly, what more could I ask for?

It’s true, even with children, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. They return to Nebraska this week-end and I am ready! I have renewed patience and I’ve taken time for me. They have enjoyed their time away as well and are anxious to get back to their life here.

Long distance shared custody is more common than ever. Who else is spending their summers missing pieces of their family? How do you cope and what brings you strength?

Car Accident, a Good Thing?

I wrote this week about our journey to San Antonio last week-end. We had a car accident on the way down and it changed my perspective. Read the story HERE.

Also, check out our online photo album for some beautiful pictures of our vacation: HERE.

I MISS YOU!

Blogging has become a favored hobby of mine.

It's also an easy way for me to keep family connected.

But....work is quickly consuming all of my time. I started my own business, Sarah Tucker Marketing Services, with an expectation of it growing V.E.R.Y. S.L.O.W.L.Y.  I'd stay-at-home with Mia and be able to generate some income at the same time. I was jaded from the agency and their "claim" to be a family-friendly work environment. 

This business seemed to be the best of both worlds.

Fortunately for my wallet, the growth didn't happen slowly.

It's a funny story actually. One Sunday afternoon about 10 weeks ago or so, I went to Williams-Sonama for a free cooking class. While learning how to braise a pork roast I was standing by a man that couldn't stand still. Fidgeting around, helping me with my coat, grabbing me a glass of water if I coughed or even cleared my throat...I was almost worried. I thought the man was flirting with me! Come the end of the class we chatted for a few minutes about what I do. I explained I recently got my MBA and was starting my own marketing services company. He immediately pulled out his business card and asked me to call him on Monday. I sound like exactly what he needs, he said.

I left the class a little bewildered. I immediately grabbed my cell phone and called Zack to explain the story. I told Zack, he either wants me to be his next girlfriend or his next director of marketing and I honestly can't tell ya which one. :)

Well, long story short, he wasn't flirting. He truly engaged my talents and skills and I am working 40+ hours per week for his companies. He is partner in 3 IT related companies:  Jelecos, Data Media Solutions, and Heimes Resources.

What exactly the future holds, I have no idea. But for now, I am holding on tight. Enjoying working on marketing and sales motivation projects that are truly 100% better than my wildest dreams of my business!

All of that to say, I'm sorry. Sorry there haven't been pictures of the babes and updates on their musings. I'm hoping that with Summer means I will get the camera out more often and spend a few moments keeping you posted on our lives.

Much love and big hugs!!!!!

Confession's of a Stepmother

I ruffled a few more feathers this week on Momaha.com. It's almost like I am narcissistic I am starting to feel. ;) I just can't help but write real and write raw emotion. It's who I am, true to myself at all times.

Being a stepmother isn't easy and will never be the most rewarding job. Visit Momaha to read more.

New Hair

I went to see my darling Mrs. Aly last week for my last trim & color before she went on maternity leave! While I was there she offered to also do ALL 4 GIRLS the next day!!!  It was a jam-packed hour and 15 minutes of snipping and "sit up straights", "look in the mirror", and "isn't she adorable!"

What made this day even extra special ----- this was Mia's VERY first haircut!!!  I know, I know. Why the heck did I wait so long? Simple answer. Those curls.....I was terrified that a hair-cut would make them all go away. And I adore them.

So stinkin' cute, right? And the curls bounced up a little better after the cut!!! :) Mommy's very pleased!

Livie wanted a super short bob. I love this look on her!!!

This picture of Skyler pulls at my heart strings. She looks for one GORGEOUS and for two OLD! What happened to this little girl who was running around singing Sesame Street and loving Blue's Clues? 

Abby got a few layers but in the bottom of her hair. They look super cute and help the cut flip out a little with out a drastic change. She has the most healthy, shiny, beautiful brown hair that it does look best long!:) 

My gorgeous daughters.....oh, how I love them!

Call me tolerant? I say it's LOVE

My family and I have had a very difficult week. Some incidents occurred that caused me a lot of pain. I wrote about it all on my Momaha blog. Please read and share your comments. My goal truly is to start a conversation about something people don't always like to talk about..... CLICK HERE

PS I promise to write a blog post not directing you to Momaha this week. I have some great stories to share of the kids -- it's just been crazy.

Much love,

Sarah 

Time To Rant

So I decided to rant a bit this week throughout my blog for Momaha.  It's the perfect summation of my opinions on this whole "mommy war" culture that social networking and blogging has aided in our age.

Check it out and feel free to share your comments. Bloggers ADORE comments you know:)

My Business

Friends and Family:

I finally have some logo choices for my business!  It is really starting to come together.  I am now working with 2 large clients and 2 small clients.  The perfect meld of marketing development, appointment setting, sales training...I'm doing it all and loving it!

I'd LOVE and greatly appreciate your feedback on these 2 logos.

Also, if you aren't already you can follow my biz on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sarah-Tucker-Marketing/190978538348 Spread the word to any small business owners that I could potentially help!!!

The Great Sweater Fight

Last week Trendon and I were poised in a sweater war... 

This 7 1/2 year old boy is quickly becoming a dude I just sit back and marvel at. He is really carving his own in fashion and hair styles -- have you seen his mow-hawk?!

All of the children were getting ready for school last Tuesday when I discovered NONE of Trendon's clothes fit.  I swear, the weeks before Christmas he had a dresser full of clothes that fit.  Blame it on a growth spurt, right. We searched high and low in his closet for a shirt with sleeves that at least reached his wrist to no avail.

Lightbulb moment!!  About 2 years ago I bought a lot of clothes off of ebay that I had packed away for him!  I ventured down into the basement closet to find the box of clothes that I just knew would make him the happiest boy on the planet!  Inside this box were a couple pairs of pants, a trench coat, and a sweater.  Not an entire wardrobe, but enough to get us through the week until I could get out to shop for him.

I thought I should receive a "step-momma of the year award" for this great discovery.  Cute, cute clothes.  Perfect size.  No more sleeves that are 2 inches too short, no more belly showing when he lifts his arms.

Boy, was I wrong.

Here is a photo of the sweater in question:

Cute, right?  I LOVED it and never thought twice that Trendon would feel disgust just by looking at it!  He was so appalled that he started crying immediately!?!  Then I left the room, assuming he would get dressed.  I came back to find him standing in the middle of his room, no shirt on, and no sweater in hand.  He had quickly thrown it up into the top of his closet hoping I'd forget about it!!!! I asked him where the sweater was and he threw the "I don't know look." This, at our house, is comparable to lying.  So unfortunately, it's now a he-can't-win-at-this-game scenario.

We called Daddy for reinforcement.  Daddy says, absolutely he has to wear the sweater now that there has been deceit.

Trendon is enraged but promises to get dressed.

He emerges from his room looking like the dough-boy 15 minutes later!!  He put a think polo under AND over top of the sweater!!!

"It's on!" he smirks.

Ok, Ok I get it.  He hates the sweater.  I send him to school ticked off and mad at me. Didn't feel like a huge win for the step-momma at that point.:(

That afternoon, all if forgiven and forgotten when I tell Trendon I'll give the sweater away to another boy who will enjoy it.

Imagine my surprise this morning when he emerges from his room in this:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!

Someone explain this to me.  This sweater is SUPER cool but the dog sweater is horrendous?

Ah, the joys of mothering a boy.  I need some super sonic powers to figure out this kid's sense of fashion....or perhaps a trip to the mall together will suffice. :)

Igniting a Debate

Not typically my forte - but I forced myself out of my comfort zone and shared my parenting philosophy on the Momaha blog this week. I have caught some heat from the comments already.  Please feel free to share your opinions.  http://www.momaha.com/article/20100129/MOMS02/100129496/-1/moms

Clown Mia

Wow, this girl is growing FAST!  I am enjoying her so much.  Her beauty, her sense of humor, and her intelligence are already making me worry about the teen years to come;).

She's the clown of the house.  Being the youngest in a big family must be fostering this attitude she has, but it's nothing short of A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E.

She's been speaking in full sentences for a month or so now... I just must record some of my favorites before I forget -

"I don't like that Momma"

"Momma, I said I wanna hold you!"

"The guys wanna play Mia?"

(The guys are Skyler, Trendon, Abbie, and Livie)

and then this week ---- a new song:

"Woah Woah Woah your boat......ma - willy ma - willy ma -willy ma-willy ma-willy....(she likes the Merrily part the best!)

It's entirely too much fun being a Momma.  I feel beyond blessed today!

Girl Scout Cookie Results

My little Livie is all sorts of excited!  She exceeded her cookie goal by over 22 boxes!!  Thanks to all my amazing friends and family that helped that happen:)


We will be busy little bees when those cookies come in -- delivering all over town!!  

New @ Momaha.com

Making friends as an adult shouldn't be so hard....  Read more here.

I Heart Twitter

Follow me @tuckersarah or my business @tuckermarketing

Like I Needed Another Hobby

This week I have been absolutely bitten by the bug.


The bug to create something from nothing.


To craft bags, skirts, dresses, aprons, curtains...


pillows, purses, and hair bows...


Yes, the SEWING bug!!!


Abbie received a sewing machine for Christmas and I have had one collecting dust in the master closet for at least 4 years. With her desire to learn to sew I just had to resolve that I needed to learn!


I've been blessed to meet some mommas who are incredibly talented and are willing to be extraordinarily patient with a girl like me with 0 creative talent!


Introducing.....my first project:

Don't look too close at the crooked lines - this was my first crack at it.  Now, I hope to make my 4 beautiful girlies and I a coordinating skirt/dress something or other...  I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Be Inspired: MLK JR Day

The kids are home from school in honor of the remarkable Martin Luther King Jr. who helped facilitate change in our world. One of my most memorable college lectures was by Dr. John Ernst in American Studies, my very first semester of college - ever. I searched this morning, to no avail, for the lecture notes since it's been 10 years since that class. So though I can't recall the details, I can recall the inspiration I felt in my heart.

I feel so honored to have such a transformative figure in American history to help teach my children about basic life virtues. 

Violence doesn't solve anything.

Stand up for what you believe in.

Set your goals high and be diligent to work towards them.

A constant and devoted faith in God can enable you to lead a life that makes a difference.

May his legacy inspire us to stand up for what we believe in and be a positive voice for activism in our communities.

Family, Blessings, Haiti

Find my thoughts here.